Pants Points Report (late, again)

Last week's total: 168/350.  Total-to-date as of last Friday: 2039/2700.  Last week's score was not great, because it was Spring Break, and because I was out of clean clothes, and because it's just generally difficult to make myself do stuff, so even though I was out of pants on Monday, I didn't do laundry until Friday.

That said, and as much as this is evidence to the contrary, I don't think that not getting into Clarion was a major source of apathy last week.  Actually, I think that was the one major motivating factor that made me do stuff last week, which is probably why I got more writing, editing, critiquing and submitting done than anything else in particular.

On the other hand, if I'd gotten into Clarion, I would probably have been motivated to do a lot of work, too... I'd want to be prepared, after all.  And I would want to do my best to be worthy of the slot.

So, maybe... I'm just motivated?  Like, in general, as a person?  Thinking about it, it does fit with the evidence, when it comes to writing work.  But it clashes with my self-concept, which is mainly rooted in decades of accumulated insecurity and low self-esteem.  It seems like "Motivated" is too nice a way to put it, because what would have been a more accurate description five years ago is "Desperate for validation," and I don't think those are the same, even if they have similar symptoms.

I'm happy with my progress right now, and I don't feel like my self-worth is compromised by setbacks and temporary failures.  This seems to me like a pretty huge deal.