I'm having a slow brain day. Does anyone else who reads this blog sometimes have days when they just can't get their brain working as smoothly as they wish it would? Part of it is that it's too hot in my office right now, part of it is that I have a little bit of a headache and I slept at a bad angle last night so my neck hurts. Part of it is that, though I know I should be paying attention to my schoolwork right now and writing for the school paper, I mostly just want to think about the D&D game I got invited to this weekend because I haven't played in a very long time and I'm nervous.
I don't think there's any one big thing, down at the bottom of all of it. I think it really is that my neck hurts and I'm distracted and it's a little uncomfortable in this room. My ankle hurts today -- I wonder if it's going to rain soon. My day planner is a little bit overloaded. I have a new story idea, but I don't know how to start writing it.
Philip DeFranco posted a video today about self-worth, and about having a sense of purpose. I've reposted it below.
I get my sense of self-worth predominantly from my intellect -- I'm more comfortable believing that my thinking skills are valuable than anything else I'm able to do, and when they aren't working very well, it's emotionally difficult.
So I'm grasping around trying to find something stimulating enough that it inspires me to create new content, but nothing's working as well as I'd like. I've got thirteen tabs open right now, and I keep opening new blank ones trying to think of something new to type into the search bar. More than once, I've opened one blank tab, then, frustrated, opened another, as though that first blank tab was failing me and I needed a fresh start on blankness to get to a more substantial place.
It's even hard to figure out what about my present state of mind might be worth reading from someone else's perspective.
It'll get better, though. I'm sure it will.