Following Readercon, I'm having a serious episode of impostor syndrome. Like, I'm afraid to write for my own blog. Despite the fact that I write under a pen name, my real name was on my badge, and I only gave my card to like three people, I feel suddenly, deeply concerned that I'm not going to be able to write posts well enough to avoid embarrassing myself. Then again, maybe I don't have it. The idea of impostor syndrome is sort of a self-esteem Catch-22. Wikipedia defines it as:
a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments.
Am I failing to internalize my accomplishments? Maybe I'm just right about the theory that my accomplishments up to this point are meaningless, sub-par, or accidental. If that's the case, it's not impostor syndrome, it's... I'm not sure. Pretentiousness? Angst? Back door self-aggrandizement?
I don't know. But if there's anyone checking out my blog because you met me at Readercon, letting you know: I'm a little bit terrified of you. And I'm looking forward to next year.