It hasn't been a good month for me getting shit posted

It's been a solid week since I've written anything here. Last week was moving home from school, and I'm just barely getting my feet back under me. (I'm not really. I've mostly been sleeping from like 6 a.m. to 4 p.m. I'm getting at most one thing done per day.)

I really hate not being at school. Winter break is bullshit. (And don't get me started on summer.)

Patreon: My soul

00 CURRENT certificate of ensoulment-01.jpg

I've got another project I'm adding into my diiiv. This one is simple: I'm selling my soul. 

The art above is the in-progress artwork, and there's a lot of work to be done on it before I'm satisfied. Since I don't actually believe in souls, I feel it's important that folx who buy shares in mine get something of value regardless of whether I'm wrong about that, so my intention is for this piece to be a genuinely beautiful art object. I've put a couple weeks into this already, and that logo (which, admittedly, didn't export that well to JPG) is currently on its fourth draft.

I haven't worked out the math all the way yet, but they're going to be priced somewhere between $30 and $50. My intention is that if I can sell all 1000, it will pay off my student debt. (I want to get some very definite answers about how this income will be taxed before I set the price.)

I'm also gonna send one to each of my backers who've supported me for long enough to have effectively paid for one by the time they go up. This post is going public, so anybody who wants to jump on board for that can secure a copy in case they sell out right away!

I had my final crit for my only class this semester. I've still got a crit left for the class I'm auditing. 

Today really sucked at first. I had to talk to -- I got talked at by -- a cop. And everywhere you can get things printed in color was closed when I needed to access a printer. 

I don't have the energy to type out the details but that was the overall tone of the first few hours of my day. But it started getting better, then didn't really stop. By now I feel like I had a generally good day with a bad couple hours.

So, like, that's a thing that happens? I think that's important. I was having what really looked like it was going to be a bad day and then it kinda didn't wind up being that. 

Executive dysfunction

I feel a bad executive function day coming on. I'm not sure whether it's too early to say, and the fact that I'm writing this blog post might be a point against that argument. But I thought, for a little bit, that I had a good day ahead of me. Then it just didn't happen.

I got up for breakfast at 7:30, went to the dining hall and ate. So that's a good start to a day. Then, I went to the art barn. I sat next to my works in progress for about 15 minutes. I couldn't shake the freezing cold that got under my skin on the walk back. So I came back to my mod. Now, I'm back in bed.

Oh, I also sent an email.

I'd love to be up for the day now, but I really think I'm not going to be. I'm pretty sure I'm going back to sleep, soon.

"Notes toward a manifesto"

I'm sitting in the art barn at Hampshire right now. I actually have my laptop plugged into the projector, but fortunately (a) nobody's here and (b) the text on this screen is basically illegible because the projector has like 4 pixels per inch.

I'm thinking about the title of Adam Flynn's "Solarpunk: Notes toward a manifesto," and about how many manifestos have existed, thrived memetically, and failed politically. I've been trying to solve the problem of incompleteness in political text: the problem that any set of principles can be applied in bad faith by a hostile actor to achieve an end antithetical to the goal set out by those principles. 

The work I'm doing right now is going to be incomplete. That is a fundamental feature of work, but usually people get to sort of plaster over that fact. I'm going to have to not do that, and it's really hard to come to terms with that fact, emotionally.

Back@hamp

I'm back! As I mentioned in my vlog I was at home this past weekend, and I finally left at about 5 p.m. today. (I was there for car stuff so I needed to wait till it was done.) 

Now, I'm beginning the process of frenetically trying to catch up on all the shit I desparately need to do, and should have worked on much more this weekend. 

Incompleteness

I have been a mess lately. If my web presence is a barometer for how OK I am, this past couple weeks is a great indicator of the crisis I'm in. I have been spending whole days basically grieving the fact that I can't generate the energy and momentum necessary to do even basic creative labor, like writing a post that has a title more thought through than "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."

I'm tired of posting unfinished work, but right now everything I'm doing is in a state of absolute incompleteness. The thought occurs to me that I will have to reckon with this much more deeply when I actually have the bandwidth: doing big, meaningful, thoughtful creative work is not easy to align with doing work that can sustain a creative career.

I'm about to take a break from my vlog, after uploading the final episode of series 5, which is filmed but not yet edited. I'll be coming back after the end of this month. 

I'm going to be honest, I'm really excited about how many complete paragraphs and capitalized sentences are in this blog post. So, like, that's where I'm at.