One of the many nuances of fear of success

So I've been thinking about setting up a Patreon for my diiiv. And by "Thinking about" I mean I've done most of the setup for it on the back-end and I just haven't convinced myself 100 percent that I'm gonna do it.

And one of the things I've been thinking about in the context of the Patreon is the idea of having successes, and capturing those successes as conversions to Patreon supporters. And that's fucked up, right? Like, if people discover and enjoy my work, I shouldn't be immediately thinking about the risk that I might not be able to optimally monetize that enjoyment. But I'm afraid anyway, because if I don't manage to pull in support for my creative work, sustained support over time, then I won't be able to build a financial base on which to keep doing that work.

Before thinking about the Patreon, I was afraid that any given thing I'd do would be successful, because (in fact, by definition) nothing I'd have done prior to that point would have been as good, at least in terms of "confirmed" quality by way of strangers' validation. So if people like my work, I'd have nowhere to point them to, to find more.

That fear has made me really anxious about a lot of things that should have been uncomplicatedly positive for me. So I'm not looking forward to that part of the Patreon, if I launch it. I'm not excited about that part of capitalism.