So -- I really want to blog about my emotional state today, because I'm having a weirdly intense self-loathing day, but I'm running into the problem that I'm realizing I have every time I want to write about my feelings here: I don't want to write about how I feel, and then, subsequently, have anybody bring it up in real life.
A fair number of my friends, on the off chance that they read my blog on a bad day, will tend to attempt to comfort me or sympathize with me about the content of the post. But on a day when I already feel like my self-confidence is pre-undermined, when I'm feeling exhausted or frustrated or sad, I don't want to have any extra moments-of-intimacy that sympathy necessarily comprises.
Especially, as is usually the case, when my mood is in part influenced by circumstances that I didn't write about, because my personal life often directly references other people's personal lives, and I don't like the idea of volunteering the details of other people's lives on my blog. Usually if I don't want to share details with the internet I also don't want to share those details with people who aren't involved, and there are few things more frustrating than a person trying to solve a problem when you know they don't have any of the variables to work with.
I could always just, like, not ever write about personal stuff here. But the actual practice of writing is helpful, and I do like the idea of being able to keep people apprised of my emotional state without having to have direct personal conversations with everyone I know, or posting about it on social media, because both of those invite exactly the thing I want to avoid -- spending my already drastically diminished emotional energy on conversations about how little emotional energy I have. (I do know, like, three people with whom talking about my emotional state is usually refreshing rather than draining, but that's not most people, and it's not all the time, and anyway one of them is my therapist.)