I'm tired and had to deal with some stressful information management today so instead of talking about real things, I'm going to talk about ecognomics.

Ecognomics is the study of tiny, secret gnomes responsible for distributing the effects of environmental change based on a set of elaborate, cryptic criteria, including, but not limited to:

  • the degree of responsibility the target has for causing the change (the first principle of ecognomics: don't bite the hand that feeds you; the gnomes are highly supportive of, and gentle with, individuals and organizations that cause a high amount of pollution)
  • coastal spin (gnomes are dragged westward with the rotation of the earth, causing them to cluster in places like California, where they cause drought)
  • interior design (gnomes can be almost entirely repelled from a space by decorating with thick fabrics, beading, and salmon tones)

The field of ecognomics has been around for over 600 years, but has only been taken seriously as an environmental issue in the past 16 hours. It has come to dominate the national dialogue on the subjects of climate change, grassroots organizing, and home decor. (Salmon beads are very, very in this season.)

For more information, order my book, "The Gnomes of the Anthropocene," for 8 payments of 7 dollars, at 1-800-555-GNOME.