procrastination and decay

I can't think of anything to write about other than how bad my last two posts were. So I'm going to write about that.

I think at this point it's pretty widely understood that procrastination comes from anxiety and perfectionism, right? Like, I feel like I can't do the best possible work right now, so I'll wait until later, when I feel like I can do better. Only later I feel even shittier, plus anxious about how much work I haven't gotten done. And it gets worse, and worse, until I have to hack something together or give up entirely.

Yesterday's awful three-minute post could have been a lot better if, hours earlier, I had been able to force myself to just write a post about how terrible I felt, but right up until literally minutes before the deadline that felt totally unacceptable. I have standards, dammit. Which apparently means my standards are extra low when they can't be as high as they are on my very best day.

I'm frustrated with how badly I've been working over winter break so far. But I can't count on this malaise going away, so I'm just going to have to face up to that. This blog might be pretty complainy until I go back to school. Sorry about that.

Happy holidays.